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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

I hate Fantasy Football

This fantasy football recap pretty much sums up my current season. Not a great year overall and several losses by one point or less. This week was special though, mostly because of all the great entertainment that it provided. Here goes –

The game is week 8. After the 1pm and 4pm games are over, my opponent had no more players to go and can’t score any more points. At the same time I have one player going on the Sunday night game and one player going on Monday night. I am down by one point. One lousy, stinking, stupid, easy point.

My Sunday night player is Jason Whiten. Expectations are low so if I received any points it would have been a plus. Mostly because Tony Romo sucks. Plain and simple… Once again, I need one, stupid, stinking lousy point for a tie (which would be acceptable giving the mediocre season). One touchdown pass (6points) locks up an easy win. We know anything worth anything is never easy. Needless to say, Whiten threw up a goose egg. No big deal, I still have another player to go on Monday. Strike one, but plenty of football entertainment left.

My Monday night player is Vincent Jackson. Usually a decent bet on getting a touchdown pass. Again, all I need is one stupid, friggin, crappy, easy point to tie and a touchdown makes it a win. The Monday night game surely was the game of the week. KC and San Diego and plenty off offense and lots of excitement. At this point, I am sitting smug on the coutch waiting for the victory to come. I am also picturing my opponent finishing up yard work from the prevous day as he knows the weekend is surely to end in a loss. After all, he knows all I need is one stupid point.

Scoring in my league is 6 points for a touchdown and one point for every 50 catching yards. Vincent Jackson was thrown to several times early and was starting to add up the yards. By halftime – 35 yards. A tie is in sight! Woo hoo!. By this time, the entertainment level of watching Sunday night and Monday night football was high. When is this frigging point gonna come already?

Third quarter time… Jackson is thrown to but it’s picked off. Bad right? Nope! Inevitably, he makes the tackle and is credited .50 for that great defensive play. So now, I am only down by .50 and I just need 15 yards for the win! And almost a half a game to go! One stupid, crappy, fucking point for a well deserved victory. One!

So down by 1/2 a point, San Diego is down and desparate. Phillip Rivers is passing left and right. I am sure to get some catches from one of their main targets. Right? You guessed it. A couple more catches and Jackson is at 49 yards. Not 45, not 37 – 49! One yard away from victory!  Rivers drives his team and is depleating the clock. It certainly is looking for a victory for San Diego and my team. ONE FRIGGIN POINT! Let’s go man!

Rivers fumbles the snap. Noooooooooooooo!!!! Less than a minute to go and KC has the ball back! Crap! KC moves down the field, scores a field goal – strike two. Overtime. Yessssssss! One more shot to get the easy, lousy, crappy, fucking point I need.

So I had life after all of the Sunday day games, life after the Sunday night game, and another chance after the end of regulation of Monday night. It’s fate!

Yup… It was fate. San Diego lost. I ended up losing by .50 points. Vincent Jackson’s stats – one sack, 49 yards. As enjoyable as that was – strike three. I hate Fantasy Football…

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Christmas is coming early to Lebron, the Cavs and the city of Cleveland. The trade of Shaq to the Cavs for Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic and a second round pick in the Draft is almost exciting as the lottery pick when we first got Lebron. Everyone here in Cleveland has been buzzing about this since the rumors started last February. Besides the fact that he is a future hall of famer, the link we needed to get past Boston and Orlando, Shaq is one hell of an entertaining individual. I can’t wait to see more quality quotes from the man himself. In celebration, I offer you Shaq’s top ten quotes –

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Absolutely hilarious – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gwxq4HLDUx8 – Not only can Lebron, Z, and the entire Cavs team bring the deserving people of Cleveland a much needed championship and good publicity, but this commercial will ring around the globe and put a smile on everyones face. BRILLIANT! Soak it in Cleveland sports fans… soak it in!

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Model falls down

Model falls down 

Every once in a while you need a good laugh. Today I thought you could use one. I dare you not to laugh while watching this! Double dare!

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